Havovi Hyderabadwalla is a Forensic Psychologist and a Clinical Psychologist. With an experience of almost a decade, she is also the co-founder of Mind Mandala. This is a podcast that will help you understand relationships in a much more practical way, better outlook toward your current or future partner, and more. It is important to have the right person to share their thoughts on topics like love, romance, and complicated relationships – and Havovi Ma\’am is always open to growing and learning more.
Versions of Love
“It doesn’t matter how old you are. People of different ages come to me with different relationship problems. It is like a full-time job. If you want to keep it going and growing, you need to show up. Do not take it for granted. Everyone understands to a certain degree.”
“You change in every year of your life. In a successful relationship, you grow together. It is never going to be equal all the time. There would be phases of life where there would be unequal.“
“It is just that we have become more accepting about being vocal about it. If you are married, you need to be there. People not being there is the major reason for divorce or cheating. I am not supporting it, but it is the bitter truth.”
“Two different types of people date and the blueprint for a relationship is I will change the person, but people lose their sense of identity in hope. Hope is a toxic drug. Too much of anything is bad. I am all for being different, but there needs to be some similarity. It can be your liking etc. You need to find someone who has fun doing things you enjoy. To increase the longevity relationship, you need to go back to the places you have been in your initial days. Be mindful.”
Parenting
“Your parents are also changing with time. They are not the same person. No one prepares you for your parents to get old. You don’t know when you have to become a parent to your parents. It is one of the reasons why it is said to get married early. When you grow older, it is difficult to conceive to bring up kids. But now, it has become a norm to settle early, which is scary.”
Casual sex
“There can be an overload on the system with casual sex. I am not against it. You need to be a little mindful. From a pure science perspective, if you are having casual sex, you need to figure out where these feelings are coming from. If you are sexually active, check yourself once in six months.”
BDSM
“Some people find pleasure in pain. At a certain point, people are happy with practicing BDSM. There is a technique to it, and both people need to be okay with it. People do have contracts for the same.”
Darkness
“Darkness is easier to be in. Some people come in, and I ask them three good qualities about them. It is a rare occasion where you can just tell. But if I ask ten bad things, you can come up with 20. It is a slippery slope. It is easy to be negative because happiness is a lot of hard work. Change is difficult.”
“When you are young, and your brain is developing, with the swipe era, you might fall prey to that pattern. Again, be mindful. Don’t let it become a part and parcel of your life. Take a pause and figure it out. Nowadays, being a virgin is looked down upon. There is nothing right or wrong with this. One man’s wine is another person’s poison.”
“I have seen a lot of good friendships turning into a relationship, and it doesn’t work. It doesn’t mean that if one works, the other will also work. You need to figure out whether you are dependent or in love. You should feel those butterfly feeling. There needs to be emotional innocence and vulnerability.”
Thank You!
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